warning: gonna be full of vulgarities

i feel fucking indignant now.
this is like a blardy disappointing year.
ive been brought up in hopes so damn many times but everything just came crashing down.
i feel fucking toyed by fate, as if i was never meant to do anything great this year at all.
first disappointment was not being able to join the damn wushu competition.
well i wasnt good enough, and i was the 11th person, which is soooooooooo fucking shuay!
they only can send 10 people and i gotta be the number 11th. it sucks fking much..
second disappointment is NOT getting inside the exco team, ive did so much, tried so hard, even designing the damn shirt and writing a script.. but i didnt even get ANY position. maybe a sub comm, but wads de fucking use when its not even recognized?
third was NOT being able to join the 100m dash for colosseum.. the other day, during the trials, i was told i was the fastest then, and i thot there was no other trials. the coordinators even offered me to run 100m, the relay and 200. i was exhilarated actually, then i dont see my name in de heats, cuz i wasnt selected for i wasnt fast enough. im like WTF? they were like raising my hopes so much during the trials and then this happened.. i feel like a fucktard, cuz every single fucking thing i was looking forward to gave me setbacks. all my other friends get like every single thing they are hoping to get, like posts, the positions, the opportunity to run blahblahblah.. maybe i shouldnt even have tried anything.. my life in MJC is so fucked up.
oh did i mention im the econs rep cuz i had no other choices? which is a third teal(wadever de spelling) leader. MOE does like me too, giving me leadership in my PW group, which is practically useless as well. im fading into common-ness now, im not gonna strive for anything except maybe studies, even the shuttle run 'champs' thingy, even if i have 8.7s.. it will come crashing down again. strike the fucking iron while its hot, what bullshit, the inventor of this phrase should just get burnt by a iron..