have you ever had a dream so tangible, so real, so sorrow, and that it perhaps reflects an aspect of your life, or part of your life which may occur or may not occur at all, that you shed tears for it? i just did.

i was out with my parents for dinner. simple 3-course kinda dinner, no big deal, more of a son-parents-harmony-dinner. i turned up really late after meeting a girl(dont ask, not the main point), i brought her with me. my parents relented, i could see it from their expressions. with an unfinished meal, me and her went to some bakery. due to insufficient money, i waited for my parents to come over, to sponsor me the money to buy, well, mooncakes? no they didnt oblige, i feel anguish. next moment i was inside a studyroom with them of course, with a heated argument over the 'mooncake issue' and many more, with me being dominant and all. this was no ordinary skirmish, i even called them 'useless parents' straight in their face, i wasnt reflective of what i'd just said. anger had clouded my conscience, there was no orientation of wrong or right. i had no idea how much it hurts, to see your beloved hurling accuse at you, even calling you 'useless' despite that undying love you'd shown. then, my mom gave me a cheque with a form(some form to travel to some places with some groups). this was supposed to be an expensive trip(they were rather poor in the dream?), similar to the NZ trip i had last year, and perhaps the most i've ever anticipated for. though unspoken, i knew that the accumulation for the money for ME was tough. things couldnt get any worse, my mother muttered something about 'useless', then wailed. I HEARD HER CRY, dad was tough, he was playing games(though he never does that in real life).. but i know it hurts, i just know it..

yes, this was the moment i woke up, and cried.. seriously, just cried.. not whimpering, not wailing, just crying..

i dont think this will ever happen, but it just reflects on how selfish i am, to always put my interests before theirs, like it was destined to be child over parents, eg money issues where i couldnt see their plight, yet at the same time demanding sthg which could worsen the current situation. which parent doesnt love their child? their flesh and blood? the least we can do is to show that we are not brought into this world for nothing, that their sacrifices are worth the effort, instead of a 'useless parent' kinda comment straight in their faces..

yeah this post is emo, bet most of us wont comprehend it either.. at least till you experienced it..

fyi, i havent cried since the death of my grandpa.

but no, i aint feeling distress over it, life goes on. so, everybody, TREAT YOUR LOVED ONES, ESP YOUR PARENTS BETTER (: