seems weird, that i only blog on days when i feel ensnared with emotions, often the gloomy kind. likewise for today. good in a way though, i dont get to be a doormat and i dont blog often(:

i feel guilty today, i accidentally spilled water on some guy's PSP, damn. of course he's gotta blow, but at least there's no uproar, his PSP is alright though, and he's good enough to let it go with a nvm gesture. naw, that's not wad made me cranky.

it's reflection of thoughts really, sometimes i think too much, sometimes i dont think at all, that's cause for worry. i feel that by adjoining choices, that dream and kiterunner, you would somehow understand my life. i should be blessed, but i dunno wad's with my train of thoughts, why i have to make my life complicated.

i think relationships are verrrrry complex, sophisticated, etc etc etc.. then there's the fear of accepting, fear of rejecting, fear of being dejected, fear of being mishandled, fear of being mistreated etc etc etc.. nope, didnt really go through 1 yet, not mature enough? sometimes i envy those in relationships, but i dont jump at the chance when 1 comes. dont feel like handling one right now, O's more important. furthermore, what if ure a guy, will you accept someone older than you, but like someone else at the same time? or if ure a girl and like someone (younger) than you but fear being rejected? or just cause you, a girl made the first move?
interesting how a relationships can screw up somebody eh. sometimes it feels good to be single and wanted. (:

i think i havent been a really good friend, i cant seem to trust, but somehow or rather i am trusted with secrets. ive been quite cold to certain people, have put up false fronts yadaa yadaa. MAN, I FEEL SO EMO.

what's up with crankiness? seems to be finding me quite frequently nowadays. not stress definitely, or maybe it is, but i dont feel the pinch. i need a life, some time to relax, and someone who i can spill everything to. but i cant seem to trust. ohwell.

i have a choice to live or die, be it young or old, be it happy or sad, be it stressful or stress free, ahfaoufhaoghaoduihgiuasogoiuwroeg. sometimes i dont even know what im writing or thinking. i can be really random, yet they may mean something.

i think ive been blabbering nonsense, or something close. i feel dog-tired. maybe all i really need is a good sleep.

p.s just ignore whatever's up there, i dont know what's wrong with me either.

D4 + The Teens + Ms Chua = Invincible :D
SOLO NEXT YEAR, WHEE

TAGREPLIES:
zhiyi: yeah, updated what, with 2 posts (:
ahmed: i think i really need to FREE MY MIND, too much crap inside / yeah the dream is significant though.
sabina: i mean i HELP u upload onto MY blog, at least it wont be compressed(: that creepy doll song we heard at the dance xplosion thing, at least my definition of creepy uh. / hahahahahhaha, i think i will be happiest if i can stop thinking(:
khoonhwa: yeah, so unexpected also. like im some emo kid
hazelll: i dont know? haha, they like me, for the wrong reasons lol.
lala: hey, you are?
jiayu: i hope i can not think too much too, sucks to be me :( dont worry la, im happy 90% of the time anyway haha. this is one of the 10% of my life

have you ever had a dream so tangible, so real, so sorrow, and that it perhaps reflects an aspect of your life, or part of your life which may occur or may not occur at all, that you shed tears for it? i just did.

i was out with my parents for dinner. simple 3-course kinda dinner, no big deal, more of a son-parents-harmony-dinner. i turned up really late after meeting a girl(dont ask, not the main point), i brought her with me. my parents relented, i could see it from their expressions. with an unfinished meal, me and her went to some bakery. due to insufficient money, i waited for my parents to come over, to sponsor me the money to buy, well, mooncakes? no they didnt oblige, i feel anguish. next moment i was inside a studyroom with them of course, with a heated argument over the 'mooncake issue' and many more, with me being dominant and all. this was no ordinary skirmish, i even called them 'useless parents' straight in their face, i wasnt reflective of what i'd just said. anger had clouded my conscience, there was no orientation of wrong or right. i had no idea how much it hurts, to see your beloved hurling accuse at you, even calling you 'useless' despite that undying love you'd shown. then, my mom gave me a cheque with a form(some form to travel to some places with some groups). this was supposed to be an expensive trip(they were rather poor in the dream?), similar to the NZ trip i had last year, and perhaps the most i've ever anticipated for. though unspoken, i knew that the accumulation for the money for ME was tough. things couldnt get any worse, my mother muttered something about 'useless', then wailed. I HEARD HER CRY, dad was tough, he was playing games(though he never does that in real life).. but i know it hurts, i just know it..

yes, this was the moment i woke up, and cried.. seriously, just cried.. not whimpering, not wailing, just crying..

i dont think this will ever happen, but it just reflects on how selfish i am, to always put my interests before theirs, like it was destined to be child over parents, eg money issues where i couldnt see their plight, yet at the same time demanding sthg which could worsen the current situation. which parent doesnt love their child? their flesh and blood? the least we can do is to show that we are not brought into this world for nothing, that their sacrifices are worth the effort, instead of a 'useless parent' kinda comment straight in their faces..

yeah this post is emo, bet most of us wont comprehend it either.. at least till you experienced it..

fyi, i havent cried since the death of my grandpa.

but no, i aint feeling distress over it, life goes on. so, everybody, TREAT YOUR LOVED ONES, ESP YOUR PARENTS BETTER (:

nothing much to post..
so i shall do a this or that quiz(:

Myspace or Facebook? Myspace, facebook is so troublesome.
Shower or Bath? long relaxing bath
Nintendo DS or Gameboy? Xbox lol
House phone or Cell? cell, games and cam
Light blue or Dark blue? navy blue(:
Maths or Science? neither
Winter or Summer? summer
Circle or Square? lol..? circle
1 or 2? 1
TV or Radio? TV
Lake or Ocean? OCEAN, love the beach man
Eggs or Waffles? BOTH!
Simpsons or Family guy? Simpsons
PS2 or XBOX? Xbox
FOB or Cute is what we aim for? FOB
Nerd or Geek? neither
Digital cam or Normal cam? Digital, duh
Britney or Lindsay? Britney
X or O? XXX lol
Emo or Goth? neither
Dark or White chocolate? Milk chocolate with hazelnut (:
Football or Basketball? football
Hamster or Guinea Pig? Guinea pig
Dolphin or Whale? Dolphin
[ or (? [ looks more style lol
Blind or Deaf? neither
Yahoo or Hotmail? hotmail
Qns or Ans? both lol
Like or Love? Like then love
Making or Buying? buying if i have de cash
White or Black? both
MP3 or Ipod? my stone
AM or PM? both
A or Z? Z
Old or New? the new dont come if the old dont go(:
Friday or Saturday? friday, party night!
Tea or Coffee? neither
Blondes or Brunettes? Blondes
Footie or Rugby? footie
Blue or Red? blue!
Dancing or Singing? both
DVD or Cinema? Cinema
Trainers or Shoes? trainers
Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings? LOTR
Mercedes or Ferrari? Ferrari man, SPEEED
Briefs or Boxers? boxer briefs haha
Laptop or Computer? hmm laptop
MCDonalds or KFC? KFC
Smoking or No Smoking? nah
Messy Room or Clean Room? just a little messy, mostly clean(:
Hamburgers or Rootbeer? hamburgers
Spiked Hair or Flat Hair? Spiked
Guitar or Drums? Drums
Skateboard or bike? Bike
Matched Socks or Mismatch? matched
Talking To Much or Not Talking Enough? just enough
Rent a Film or Cinema? Cinema
Ice Cream or Chocolate? BOTH
Cats or Dogs? dogs
Wrong or Right? Right
50 Cent or Eminem? Eminem
Shorts or Jeans? depending
R&B or Urban? ..both
Hello or goodbye? HEY
Nike or Reebok? Nike, actually either is fine
Gold or silver? Gold

'if the world is holding you down, break away'